There are lots of reasons to stop your swearing and cursing habits. For one, it makes you sound a lot less smart than you actually are when you only use swear words as adjectives. Not only does it make you sound a bit less smart, but it also is seen as rude and impolite. There are many more reasons to stop your cursing habit, which you can find here. Cursing is everything but classy and elegant and we need to break that habit that has become so normalized these last few years. So, if you ever asked yourself the question: “How can I stop swearing and cursing?” I’ve gathered 4 approaches for you that will help you rid yourself of this unclassy habit based on the theory of Behaviourism. You can choose which of these approaches suits you best.
The foundation of stopping with swearing
Why do you want to stop cursing?
Before we start with the tips, we need to lay a foundation and find out why you want to quit cursing and swearing. You searched this topic for a reason! When you find out why you want and do certain things, you become self-aware and self-awareness is a big part of changing your behaviour and leads (often) to self-improvement! I’ll give you an example of why I wanted to quit cursing and swearing. We are going to use a model by Simon Sinek, called ‘The Golden Circle’. It is mostly used in marketing branding of companies but can also help you find out your ‘why’.
How to stop swearing using the golden circle model
- Why: the ‘why’ is not about what exactly. It is about what you believe, about what drives and inspires you. It’s what you think and feel deep inside! Your goal in life should be to operate, think, act and communicate from the inside out, based on your ‘why’
- How: the ‘how’ is funnelling your ‘why’ into something doable. It’s an action, a plan, goals you set up for yourself. Your ‘why’ is broad, your ‘how’ should be a process that is divided into parts you can work on.
- What: the ‘what’ is how you are going to actually live up to your ‘how’ and ‘why’. The parts you laid out in the ‘how’ can now be formed into SMART goals (which means that they are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound).
Why I wanted to stop cursing and swearing.
I wanted to stop cursing and swearing because I knew it was rude and unclassy. As a Muslim, it is also not allowed to swear because it’s a sin. Lastly, I realised that the reason I used to curse was that it was a way to take control of my own life because I knew my parents didn’t allow it and I still did it. Weirdly, it gave me a feeling of power, at the cost of my charms of course. I don’t think swearing is elegant and I knew that it made me sound dumber than I was because I would only use swear words as adjectives. So let’s fill in my ‘why’ together and take a look at how it helped me stop cursing.
- Why: I am a classy, elegant woman. I am feminine, eloquent and a Muslim woman who does not want to sin. Of course, I still want to be authentic. This is what U want to communicate to the world.
- How: One of the ‘hows’ that will help me be my authentic me, is to stop cursing and swearing. It is considered unladylike and the only reason I started this bad habit was to rebel and exert power over my own life, which I now already have, which means that I don’t need to curse and swear to feel powerful anymore.
- What: My goal is to stop swearing by the end of this year using the negative reinforcement approach (further along in this article). This way, I can be a more elegant woman and feel better about myself.
How to stop swearing: 4 approaches to get rid of your habit
The theory: Good old-fashioned behaviourism
Watson introduced the term behaviourism in 1913 and is also known as stimulus-response psychology. Feedback is information about the outcomes of behaviour. Your entire life you’ve learned what to do based on the feedback you received. When you make a joke and people laugh, you know that cracking jokes is a good thing. When you are being rude and get told off by someone, you learn from their feedback that that behaviour is not okay. You get the gist. People cannot learn without feedback and it can be rewarding or punishing. So, what happened when you started cursing?
As a little kid, you knew cursing was not allowed! No parent wants their child to swear like a sailor. It had something forbidden, which makes it extra fun to do when the parents are not around. As a kid, you’ve probably cursed when there were other kids around. And because it is not allowed, and you still did it, you’ve been branded the cool, not caring daredevil. Your feedback was probably hearing the other kids laughing, which means you did something right! So you continue… But when you get home, the same behaviour is often punished. This is called reinforcements.
Approach 1: Positive reinforcement
Let me give you another example. You are at work and you see that your coffee is running out. While you get up to get some more, you see that your colleague is also short on coffee. Being the great co-worker that you are, you ask them if they want another cup and they say yes. You just showed the desired behaviour of a co-worker, by being thoughtful and kind! You bring your colleague their cup of coffee and they thank you, telling you that you are a great co-worker. This feedback is a positive reinforcement, who doesn’t like being called a great co-worker? You know now the consequence of doing this nice deed, which probably means you will continue to ask your colleague from now on if they want a cup of coffee if you’re getting up anyway.
- The desired behaviour occurred
- A positive consequence was introduced
- This desired behaviour is repeated
Tip 1. When you stop swearing, you get a treat
So basically, positive reinforcement is trying to encourage desirable behaviour by introducing positive consequences when the desired behaviour occurs. Not that difficult right? How does this help you with your swearing habit, you ask? Well, find something you really enjoy and you don’t often treat yourself too. This could be a snack for example. Every day, or week or month, you manage to not swear, you treat yourself! This is only possible when you are a very disciplined person, cheating is now allowed! Or maybe you want to travel the world! Every day you manage to not swear, you put 5 euros in. a “NO swearing” jar for yourself. This way, your good behaviour leads to a great consequence, which will motivate you.
Approach 2: Negative reinforcement 
This is a bit more difficult to explain. In short, negative reinforcement is trying to encourage desirable behaviour by withdrawing negative consequences when the desired behaviour occurs. This means that unwanted outcomes continue until desired behaviour occurs. For example, My mother hated it when I wasted food, which as a little kid, I did often. I would waste food because I never ate, what I myself, put on my plate. My mother decided to teach me a lesson. Needles to say, I learnt to put less food on my plate or to eat every single bite because I could not handle sitting alone at the table whilst the rest of my family was watching TV together. When I started doing what my mom wanted (the desired behaviour), I wasn’t forced to sit alone anymore (the negative consequence), which in turn made sure that I continued this behaviour.
- The desired behaviour occurred
- A negative consequence was withdrawn
- This desired behaviour is repeated
Tip 2. When you stop cursing, you won’t get smacked
So how do you stop swearing with this information? I introduced a negative reinforcement for myself because I learn best with discipline. My sister and I decided to slap each other on the hand every time we hear each other curse. When I hear her say a curse, she immediately puts her hand out for me to really smack it. We don’t hit each other soft either, we are actually hurting each other, which puts pressure on us to stop our bad habit! This is how I got rid of my cursing habit. If you have someone you live with, who is very sharp and hears everything, this may be the trick for you!
Approach 3: Punishment for cursing
Punishment is different than negative reinforcement. Punishment is supposed to put bad behaviour to rest, once and for all! This is practically impossible in our context of trying to stop cursing, but for some, it may be interesting to know. Nobody wants to be punished and therefore we try to avoid it in the future. We repeat behaviours that have “pleasant” consequences and avoid behaviours that have unpleasant outcomes. An example, you are late at a very important business meeting and your boss tells you “If you are ever late again for a business meeting, you’re fired”. This is a clear punishment. Not adhering to this rule will mean you’re fired.
- The undesired behaviour occurred
- An act of punishment is introduced
- This undesired behaviour is not repeated
Tip 3. When you don’t stop swearing, you get an actual punishment
How can you use this to stop swearing? Again, this requires discipline. Think of all the thing you love and like. Every time you curse, you will have to take something away from yourself. “Every time?” Yes! Every time! This way you know you’re serious with yourself. For example, every time you curse you do not give yourself a treat. Maybe you love buying take-away coffee on your way to work. If you cursed that day, then that’s a no. Or maybe you take away your Netflix for a week, or you don’t allow yourself to buy something nice until you’ve stopped swearing. These are just ideas, so be creative (and disciplined when you decide to use this approach)
Approach 4: Extinction
The last approach is extinction, which doesn’t fit this context exactly. Excitation happens when undesired behaviour occurs but it doesn’t have a consequence. It’s neutral. An example would be not laughing at a rude joke a colleague makes. You’re not getting mad, you’re not laughing about the joke. You just look at him in silence. I bet you ten euros that he won’t make jokes like that anymore. Indifference can sometimes be much more painful than anger! The process is as follows:
- The undesired behaviour occurred
- It is met with indifference
- This undesired behaviour is not repeated
This is a difficult one to apply in this context. You could ask the people in your life to ignore you for wife minutes every time you curse (although, this is still a reaction and could therefore be seen as a punishment) Maybe you have a better idea how to incorporate extinction to stop cursing. Please let me know in the comments!
Other tips to help you stop cursing and swearing!
I found this website that shares some 5 methods on how you can stop cursing that are a bit more funnelled. My outlook is a bit more holistic (I like to get to the root of the problem) but if you want something easier, those tips might be the way to go! I do hope you learned something, even if you don’t manage to stop swearing, I hope you have found your ‘why’. It makes your purpose and your goals very clear!
Become that Classy, High-Value Sister!
Do you have any more tips that helped you with stopping with swearing? Please share them! If you want to learn more about elegance than take a look around this website. I write about Elegance, Self Love, Modesty, and more! Do you want to help the other Muslim sisters in your life too? Share my blog with them and follow me on Social Media!
Kisses,
Your Classy Muslim Sister
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