Let’s talk about sex! More specifically, let’s talk about everything halal and haram within your sex life. Sex is one of those things that Allah has given us to ensure we have some pleasure in our lives. Yet many of us don’t talk about it because we think it’s shameful! The Islamic world used to be very forward-thinking about sex and I hope we go back to that. Obviously, no sex act is halal unless you are married, let’s establish that before we begin. You also might be surprised about how much is actually halal in the context of sex as a Muslim. I can tell you that I was! So if you are getting married and want to know all there is to know about halal sex and intimacy (or if you are already married and are interested in something new) then continue!
Let’s talk about halal intimacy and sex and answer (hopefully) all your questions about halal intimacy and sex! Questions like:
- What is halal during sex?
- What is haram during sex?
- Why are certain sex acts considered halal and others haram?
I, of course, will try to be as classy as possible! The Quran and Sunnah are frank about sexuality but never vulgar! I believe that that should be our attitude as well. The prophet could be very straightforward in comparison to this weird ultra-reserved Muslim culture that we have around us now. My aunties once tried to shame me for talking about wanting to be romanced! The word romance was enough to make my aunties gasp, let’s just say that they should not read this article…
General rules for halal sex and intimacy
The obvious rules for halal sex and intimacy are:
- Pre-marital sex is haram
- Extra-marital sex is haram
- Homosexual sex is haram
You already knew about these rules, I know, but I like to paint the entire picture in this article.
Some other general rules about halal and haram sex are
- Almost everything is allowed between husband and wife except for period sex while the woman is menstruating, or anal sex
- Everything is halal until it is proven to be haram. If someone tells you that a certain sexual act is a haram, they need to prove it. Until then, if you believe that it is halal, just enjoy 😉
- If you doubt something is halal, then don’t do it! You can always learn that it is halal and do it. If you did it without knowing for sure, and then you find out it is sinful, it may be harder to stop…
- Consent is the most important thing! Yes, husbands have a right to their wives and wives have a right to their husbands. That doesn’t mean that you should force your spouse to have sex or to perform any sexual acts that they don’t want to do!
Are these sex acts halal in Islam?
Are fellatio/cunnilingus (oral sex) halal or haram?
You may know these terms by the name ‘blowjobs’ and ‘pussy eating’. Not my favourite terms, but hey, they are the most well-known ones. They are considered halal as long as you don’t spread ‘needless filth’. What does that mean exactly? Pre-cum is seen as ‘filthy’ and should therefore not be spread around. A condom fixes this problem! Other opinions suggest that spreading bodily fluids is a natural part of sex and is therefore permissible.
As you read above, anal sex is definitely haram. A rim job, however, is seen as permissible because fellatio and cunnilingus are also allowed. It is very important that there is no penetration nor should you spread or swallow any filth. Always make sure both partners are completely clean before having sex.
Is swallowing halal or haram? (spit or swallow)
Swallowing semen is not allowed! It is seen as ‘filth’ and should therefore not be ingested. Rinsing your mouth after having sex is always a good idea by the way. That way you make sure you are as clean as you can be.
Is fingering halal or haram?
Fingering is allowed if the husband does it to his wife. Never the anus though! Just stay clear of there honestly, that way you’ll never have to worry about if what you’re doing is right. I have however found that it is allowed to rub the penis against the anus without penetration or to massage with a finger, again without penetration. So if you really want to (or your husband really wants to) it is permissible.
Are handjobs halal or haram?
Handjobs are considered halal! Make sure you don’t spread any unnecessary ‘filth’ though. Bodily fluids will flow whatever you do, so don’t crazy when you accidentally get something on you. I would, however, steer clear of ‘facials’ (when a husband wants to cum on his wife’s face) or ‘pearl necklaces’ (no, not actually pearl necklaces, those you should accept! In this case, it means a husband wanting to cum on his wife’s body.) This is not accidental ‘filth’ it is done with a goal in mind. It is of course up to you what you decide to follow! You probably have your own instinct on what is considered halal intimacy.
Is masturbation halal or haram?
Masturbation is not permissible according to all four schools of Islamic law. Two of those schools do state that if you are actually afraid that you might do something like having sex before marriage, you can relieve yourself since this is a ‘lesser’ evil. Islamically, there are different positions and I can’t make an absolute claim that masturbation is haram in every case. I don’t want to say it is clearly haram because it is not. Only 5 things are clearly stated as haram:
- Pre-marital sex is haram
- Extra-marital sex is haram
- Homosexual sex is haram
- Period sex while the woman is menstruating
- Anal sex
And again, everything is halal until it is proven to be haram. A lot is up to interpretation. Same as with ‘not spreading unnecessary filth’, some interpret this as all bodily fluids, others as just the pre-cum. I feel like everyone should read as much about this topic as possible and then decide for themselves what they want to follow.
Is rubbing the penis on the wife’s body halal or haram?
Again, everything is allowed as long as it is not those clearly stated 5 things that are most definitely haram! So if the husband wants to rub his penis between his wife’s breast, buttocks, elbows, anything AND the wife is okay with it, then it is allowed and considered halal intimacy.
Is food play halal or haram & considered halal intimacy?
You can use food during sex! It is however not allowed to waste food. That means that you are either going to have to eat it off your spouse’s body or make sure that it doesn’t touch ‘filth’ so you can eat it afterwards. Also, make sure that whatever food you are going to use, make sure that it is washed. For example, strawberries. You don’t want to have to eat unwashed strawberries sprawled all over your partner, right? Now, washed strawberries would be a different thing.
Are sex toys halal or haram?
This one is a bit weird to me because I don’t understand the reasoning but here I go: sex toys are allowed to a certain extent. You can only use them during sex with your partner, not for masturbation. And, this is what I don’t understand, should only be used on the clit and not into the vagina. It is however okay to finger your wife. So a husband’s finger is allowed, but the same husband using a toy is not. A toy that is probably not allowed is a butt plug since its purpose is inherently haram. I don’t have any sources on it though, but you probably have an idea why it wouldn’t be allowed.
Your Classy Muslim Sister on halal Intimacy in Marriage
Sure, Muslims are supposed to be modest but the way we turned sex into something taboo is beyond me! There is no education on intimacy, (I know my mother didn’t want to talk about it with me) which leaves gaps that we have to fill with what hear from friends, school or online. Sex is something beautiful, and I want you to enjoy it! I’ve summarized a lot here, but I hope you continue your research. This was a more general outlook on what is considered halal and haram, but the Islamic School of Law you follow may have a very different view.
I write about Elegance, Self Love, Modesty, and more! If you look in my Love category, you’ll find more articles like this. Do you want to help the other Muslim sisters in your life too? Share my blog with them and follow me on Social Media!
Your Classy Muslim Sister