You are here or YourClassyMuslimSister.com! Welcome, I hope you enjoy your stay. Today I want to talk to you about priorities and purpose I often question my priorities in matters of life. I was thought to follow the ‘standard’ path in life: Be a good daughter, learn to be a good wife, go to university, get a job that you can quit easily once you have a baby, get married to a well-respected Moroccan man, have his babies and then… live a life. This guideline that is can be very fulfilling for some, but for me, it always felt like it lacked something. Is it wrong to want more than that? What I missed in this whole setup up, was my purpose and that’s what I want to talk to you about.
Seeking approval from my family
I grew up as the oldest daughter and girl in my family, which made for some interesting childhood trauma’s. I have many aunties and uncles from both sides of my family. Some of them I love, others of them I like and well, then there are those that I will always be nice to, but don’t need to see more than necessary. I have many older male cousins, who were allowed to do more than I was because I was a girl and they were boys. Because of their ‘higher status’ and ability to go and do as they please, I was quite irritated. Sometimes I still am! Especially when I see what they can get away with. I still harbour some resentment, which I’m working on getting rid of.
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die
Because of this different treatment, I always felt like I needed to prove myself. I wanted to prove myself by being the smartest of the bunch, by being successful, by being married to someone wonderful! My university enrollment did give me a sense of satisfaction but something still felt hollow. Before I started working on all the other points, I realised that I was seeking approval from others and not from Allah. This is the biggest mistake I could have made. I based my value on how others perceived me, on my reputation, but I should seek approval from Allah. I realised that I needed to sort my priorities out and made a plan:
- Pray and ask for forgiveness and guidance on my journey to self-development
- Find my own value and stop seeking approval from those who don’t matter to me
- Find my own path, be it marriage, a successful career or living as a spinster.
Prayer to prioritise – Salat al-Istikharah
Following the points on my list, I decided to perform Salat al-Istikharah, which translates to Prayer of Seeking Counsel. I wished for Allah’s guidance because didn’t know what I wanted to do in life. I didn’t know my purpose and what path to follow except the one I was offered by my family. So, I asked him:
Allah, should I be open to marriage, although it told myself I didn’t want to marry before I finished college? Should I focus on myself in this lifetime? Should I focus on being successful? What can I do to be happy and not feel so hollow anymore? What is my purpose to you and myself?
Some heavy stuff… I know. But as I was bawling on the prayer matt, I felt something come over me. A sense of calmness that made me feel full, but light as a feather at the same time. Sisters, I don’t know how many of you have performed Salat al-Istikharah, but this was unlike any feeling I had ever experienced before.
I didn’t hear a voice nor did I see a sign of what I should do. I felt in my soul that I Allah will take care of me, whatever I decided to do, It would find me and not the other way around. A feeling of… relieve. Happiness… Calmness. I picked up my phone, feeling like a new person. I saw that my friend had called me three times! Of course, I called her back immediately. She told me what had happened in one of the Facebook groups she was a part of…
My friend was invited to this group called “Expose these F*CK girls*. It was a group created by a private account with a fake name and the people that posted in that group had fake names as well. These people shared the worst kind of slander of Muslim sisters I have ever seen and read. They shared pictures of sisters who normally wore the hijab, wearing almost nothing! They shared stories about Muslim sisters who had sinned and exposed them to the whole world, pictures included. Some didn’t share pictures but shared their experience with sisters and even tagged them if they could! These Low-Value, tracksuit wearing, themselves sinning, Muslim brothers exposed these Muslim sisters and ruined their reputation as revenge.
One of the girls exposed was a relative of mine. Thankfully, there were no pictures of her, but the screenshots and their vulgarity said enough. The Prophet has said:
“Slander is worse than adultery” & “Do not envy and spite each other and do not slander about each other”
Yet these brothers didn’t hesitate to share the sins of their sisters with the world! Who are they to do such a thing? What if these sisters repented and turned to Allah for forgiveness? Who made them judge, jury and executioner? I was angry. No, angry is too small of a word to describe what I felt when I saw what they did to these sisters, I felt fury. Yes, they had sinned, but that was their business, it was between them and Allah. At the same time, I was appalled at what these sisters had done! Who raised them? They should have known better! How could they have done this? When I saw myself becoming judgy, I realised I was doing what these low-value brothers wanted me to do!
I shouldn’t judge these sisters, I had no right! What I needed to do, was help them. Although these boys shouldn’t have exposed these sisters (thankfully the police took this matter very seriously, since some ‘exposed’ girls were quite young), I was also worried about how they could let it reach that point. Not only was it sinning, but it was also tacky and cheap. It was clear to me that these sisters did not know their own value. They were lonely and wanted love in their life and they were seeking love from tracksuit wearing, fake Gucci belt adorned, low-value Muslim brothers! No high-value man would have been interested in these girls, because they lacked Islamic perspective, class, self-love and respect and… A FEMININE EDUCATION!
These sisters didn’t know how to get what they want because they never had an education in how to be their best feminine selves! They did what the Dutch girls did. They followed the western rules, the ‘modern‘ rules.
The modern rules in question were:
- Be direct and ask the man out if you want him
- Boys don’t like playing hard to get if you want someone you should make it easy for them!
- Show some skin! They love that and you’ll feel sexier
- You can pay for dinner, we do 50/50 now!
- Being High-Class is not a good thing!
- (and more, I’ll probably add new things if something comes up)
And therein I found my purpose! I want to teach sisters about Elegance, Self Love, and Modesty I want to be a guide in their journey to becoming full-fledged, elegant, feminine Muslim sisters who live happy lives. Feminine sisters who find their value, their own purpose, their future spouses. I wanted to be the sisters they so desperately needed. Sweet and helpful, but also direct and stern when you need her to be. My purpose is clear.
Your Classy Muslim Sister was born!
With my background in Branding, I knew where the start and I knew what my goal was: Feminine Rediscovery for Muslim Sisters! Not only for the sisters who needed to find their value but also for the sisters who forgot that they are women first! For example, I was raised to be a wife. The duties of a wife were clear to me when I was a little girl, but honestly, I’d like to have known more about the Islamic rights of women! My mother, God bless her, tried but didn’t know her all her rights either! It’s not something that all our mothers were taught when they were little girls! What we (and many other Muslim sisters) needed was an Islamic Feminine Education.
This new purpose gave me more life, motivation and perseverance. I hope to, In Sha Allah, make my money by being Your Classy Muslim Sister (YCMS), so I can start doing this full-time. I dream of this blog becoming a community where elegant Muslim women can help each other on their journey to feminine rediscovery. A youtube channel with guidelines and tips for Muslim women. A YCMS book that can be used as a code of conduct for Islamic elegance, maybe even a course!
Your Classy Muslim Sister helps you become an Elegant Muslim Sister!
Do you want to be an elegant Muslim sister? Then read up on my blog! I write about Elegance, Self Love, Modesty, and more! I also write about topics that are considered taboo, mostly intimate information that you as a Muslim sister will need to know once you’re married. Do you want to help the other Muslim sisters in your life too? Share my blog with them and follow me on Social Media!
Your Classy Muslim Sister