Not every husband asks his wife to dirty talk to him, but most dream of their wives doing just exactly that. Islam teaches us that sex (within marriage) is an act of worship since you are getting your fill from a halal source (your spouse). Sure there are certain thing that Allah forbids us from doing in the bedroom, but dirty talk (to a certain extent) is not one of them. Let’s define ‘dirty talk’. First of all, don’t go around cursing and swearing. Cursing and swearing is haram and should stay far away from the bedroom. Also, don’t call each other rude terms that rappers for example call women. Don’t be hurtful or disrespectful.
There are however words, that are considered vulgar that you can use with your partner but you should never use with other people around. They are different words that you can call the vagina that you can use in bed, the same goes for the word ‘penis’. You can call lovemaking other things than lovemaking as well. Find what turns your husband and you on. Honestly, you are already doing a great job when you can describe (in a sexual way) what you are doing at the moment! Have you ever wondered “why is dirty talk so arousing to him?”. Let me share why dirty talking drives your husband wild.
Why are you afraid to start dirty talking to your husband?
The Madonna-Whore complex in Muslim Marriages
Sister, I get it. You might feel uncomfortable at first, especially when you are used to being a modest, classy Muslimah in the streets. You are not the only one! So many Muslimah’s are afraid that their husband will think that they are bonkers or ‘wicked’. Have you ever heard of the Madonna-Whore complex? Sigmund Freud identified this psychological dichotomy in his male patients way back in the early 1900s. Men with this complex saw women as either saints (in this case modest Muslimah’s) or prostitutes. They love the modest Muslimah, but they desire the ‘prostitutes’. It means that women have to be either pure and ‘virginal’ or sexual and forthcoming.
Muslim brothers are often more experienced…
You know it, I know it, and many other Muslim sisters know it. Men tend to be a lot looser when it comes to themselves in terms of sexuality and having sex before marriage. I mean, let’s be honest, are there more Muslim sisters who remain virgins until their wedding night, or more Muslim brothers? Doesn’t mean that it is a lesser sin for men! It just means that the cultures (yes, cultures, Islam is as strict towards women as it is to men when it comes to zina) make it more acceptable for men to not be virgins. This, of course, is appalling and our Muslim brothers should know that Allah is always with them, even when their culture lets them get away with it.
You don’t want to be just ‘one’ of them, try to be both
Muslim sisters know that Allah rewards their purity. But when it comes to sex with your husband, you are practising your faith, whilst doing this beautiful act of worship, by pleasing your husband and yourself! Imam Muhammad al-Baqir says, “The best woman among you is the one who discards the armour of shyness when she undresses for her husband and puts on the armour of shyness when she dresses up again.” The western world is full of temptations and even though it is your husband’s duty to lower his gaze, you play a part in helping him. Don’t be a ‘Madonna’ and don’t be a ‘whore’ (I really don’t like that word). Be a modest Muslimah everywhere except for in the bedroom with your husband. When you’re with him you are everything but 😉
(one tip beforehand: ask your husband if he is comfortable with you talking dirty in the bedroom. Some Muslim men don’t like it! So before you start and make him (and yourself) uncomfortable, ask him if it is something he’s interested in! Communication in marriage is the most important thing)
Why Modest Muslim Sisters can talk dirty to their Husbands!
1. Modest in the streets, freaky between the sheets
The fact that Muslim sisters are modest and pure in the streets makes it extra sexy for our husbands when we are everything but between the sheets! It’s the contrast that is so alluring. Only your husband knows what you two get down to behind closed doors. Your classy, elegant and modest persona is what you are known for, but all those explicit phrases that you whisper, sigh and scream out in the bedroom, those are only for your husband. And he wouldn’t want it any other way. The fact that you can be so uninhibited with him is intoxicating to his ego and knowing that you only do this with him will arouse him as nothing else can.
2. Dirty Talk makes him feel admired
Husbands want to please their wives. It is one of our rights as well as something that men just want to do. It makes them feel masculine, dominant and powerful when they can make you feel like no one else can. Your sighs, moans and screams mixed with your words will make him feel admired. You show him with dirty talk, that you are loving what he is doing to you and nothing makes him feel more masculine than that.
Dirty talk is especially arousing when you’re normally a shy person. You wouldn’t dare to ever say any of those things ever! But your husband makes you feel so secure and safe, you can be your true authentic self and really be confident. Expressing yourself sexually towards your husband will definitely make for a happier marriage.
3. Dirty talk makes him feel secure & is the opposite of ‘starfishing’
You don’t need to know every move in bed to be good at sex. The thing men want the most is enthusiasm. It is consistently ranked as the #1 thing that makes a man feel like sex is amazing. It’s not that weird that this is the outcome. A quiet partner will be misunderstood as a distracted or even bored partner! This will make him feel insecure and the more insecure he gets, the less sex you are going to have. The less sex you have, the more his eyes will wander. A healthy marriage consists of love, respect and intimacy. Him wondering if he’s pleasing you, can bring up insecurities for him which will result in a lack of intimacy.
Modest Muslim Sisters can’t dirty talk! (Why that is untrue)
See, here’s why you are wrong:
- You can do anything halal to please your husband. Dirty talk (to a certain extent) is halal!
- You can still be a modest Muslimah in the streets, whilst being a vixen to your husband.
- “I can’t, I’m too shy” sure it might feel unnatural at first, but you’ll learn as you go along. When you start, your husband may feel more inclined to do so as well. Who knows, maybe this is the secret to even better communication between you two!
Easy into dirty talk with these steps
1. Dirty talk through text
This is for you shy Muslim sisters who have trouble getting the words out of your mouth. Start by sending flirty texts to your husband. If you are okay with the flirty texting? You’re ready to add some more! “I can’t stop thinking about you on top of me”, “I’m still sore from what you did to me yesterday” or “Can you come home early today? I want you so bad right now, you’re the only thing I can think about”. You know your husband pretty well (I hope, if not you shouldn’t start with dirty talking, but first just ‘talking’) so make him want to rush home to you!
2. Tell him exactly what’s happening
“But what can I SAY to him!?”. Sister, you can tell him anything, it really is up to you and what you are comfortable with (and withing what is okay to say according to our faith of course). An easy way to start is to describe out loud what you are doing during sex or just tell him how much you love what he’s doing. I’ve shared 4 phrases that will drive your husband wild! But to give you an idea:
- “You feel soo incredible”
- “I love the way you (insert something he’s doing)”
- “yes! Right there”
- “Please, don’t stop!” (pleading always works!)
Also! Men are competitive, so even though you probably haven’t had sex with any other man than your husband, you can still tell him “no one makes me feel the way you do!”. Your husband is not going to know what’s hitting him and he’ll love every second of it.
3. Stop being your modest self in the bedroom!
This one is easier said than done, but it needs to be said.
You are not doing something haram! You and your husband are of one soul, modesty is for the outside world, not between you. Love him and he will love you! Crave him, and he will crave you. GIVE and you will be GIVEN TOO.
Sister, you are allowed to enjoy sex as much as any men and you should! It’s one of those worldly pleasures that you are allowed to have (within marriage). This taboo on sex is such nonsense and many of us are raised by western standards of sexual intimacy which sets up unrealistic expectations. Every Muslim woman and men should have had Islamic sexual education to make sure we learn what it is really like in a Halal way. Most parents, however, are so uncomfortable with this subject, that they neglect it! You need to teach your (future) children about sex and sister, stop being modest with your husband!
Your Classy Muslim Sister on Intimacy in Marriage
Sure, Muslims are supposed to be modest but the way we turned sex into something taboo is beyond me! There is no education on intimacy, (I know my mother didn’t want to talk about it with me) which leaves gaps that we have to fill with what hear from friends, school or online. Sex is something beautiful, and I want you to enjoy it! I write about Elegance, Self Love, Modesty, and more! If you look in my Love category, you’ll find more articles like this. Do you want to help the other Muslim sisters in your life too? Share my blog with them and follow me on Social Media!
Your Classy Muslim Sister