The Islamic Wedding Night Guide | 5 Step Guide – The Islamic wedding night… Does it make your heart race, just thinking about it? Maybe it’s because you are scared, or maybe because you feel a little flutter in your stomach. Is that…excitement? Sex is a beautiful thing, and many of us don’t know what it’s like until the Islamic wedding night. You want to be prepared for it, mentally and physically, but how? Many sisters feel uncomfortable talking about sex, and that’s understandable. Even though Islam is very open about sex, many cultures are prudish and view sex as taboo.
This guide will focus on the Islamic wedding night, and more specifically about what you can expect, step by step. Some cultures have traditions for this night. I’ll focus on the Islamic portion and a bit of mental preparation, so you can go in knowing what you can expect. Before we continue, I need you to be at least 18 years old, since we’re going to be talking about adult topics. Having said that, I also need you to expect full transparency about absolutely everything. You’re probably going to feel uncomfortable because I will be direct about sex in this guide. Words like ‘clitoris’, ‘G-spot’ and ‘fingering’ will be used, so prepare yourself.
Don’t expect it to be earth-shatteringly great the first time.
You know this already, maybe from a friend who’s already married or maybe from girlfriends that are non-believers. But I’ll repeat it, so you don’t get into your head about it. The first time is bad. It’s awkward, messy, sticky. For some women, it hurts because they’re not wet enough. Or because they can’t help clamping and clenching their inner wall muscles.
Movies will make you believe that it’s mind-blowing good if the person is right for you, but experiences from women all over the world prove: Patience, persistence, and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success. You need to do it again, and again and again, to become good at sex. You need to learn more about your body and your husband’s body. Find out what you find pleasurable and what you hate. I’m telling you now, your first time will most probably suck, and the great thing about that is that you can improve every time you have sex with your husband. So don’t worry about it! If it sucks, you have the rest of your lives together to get better.
Step 1. Communicate
BORING, in comparison to all the things you could be doing, but very necessary! Communication is at the heart of every healthy relationship. When you’re on your way to your hotel or new home, you should talk to your husband. Preferably, you’ve already spoken about the expectations of the wedding night. Are you on your period? Then you can’t have sex with penetration, but there are other things you could do. But more importantly, are you even ready for that? Many Muslim brothers expect their wives to be ready immediately. But most of us haven’t even kissed someone!
Think about what you’re ready for. What do you want? You can start by just getting used to kissing and touching, and then gradually moving towards more if you’re ready for it. Don’t let yourself be pressured to have sex immediately the first night! As far as Shariah is concerned, it is not obligatory to do anything on the first night. That’s between you and your husband, so communicate your desires and fears.
Step 2. Prayer during your Islamic Wedding Night
You arrive at your home or hotel for the night. You probably feel a little uncomfortable because what now? You’re alone with your husband… Whatever happens, God is with you and when you pray together, you start in remembrance of Allah. So, that’s what you’re going to do. Before undressing, you both perform Wudū and while you’re at it, brush your teeth (you’re doing your spouse a favor, believe me). Your husband should then lead a prayer of 2 rak’at and recite the following dua:
اَللّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِىْ اِلْفَهَا وَ وُدَّهَا وَ رِضَاهَابىِْ وَ اَرْضِنِىْ بِهَا وَ اَجْمَعْ بَيْنَنَا بِاَحْسَنِ اِجْتِمَاعٍ وَ اَنَسِ اِيْتِلاَفٍ فَاِنَّكَ تُحِبُّ الْحَلاَلَ وَ تُكْرِهُ الْحَرَامَ.
(Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa rizaaha bi; warz”ini biha, wa-ajma’ baynana bi ah’sane ijtimaa’in wa anasi i-tilafin; fa innaka tuh’ibbul h’alaala wa tukrihul h’araam.)
Meaning: O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.
After this, you move on to either step 3 or step 4 (if you’re ready for that…)
Step 3. Eat something small and drink something
Sex is physical activity, which means that it burns calories and shouldn’t be done on either a full or empty stomach. Drink some milk together, eat a date or something else that doesn’t carry a smell. A banana is an excellent pre-workout snack, maybe something to get his mind working as well…
Step 4. Foreplay, A MUST during your Islamic Wedding Night
Sisters, the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior in the following hadith
“When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying.” – Wasa’il ul-Shi’a, vol. 14, p. 82
Foreplay is IMPORTANT, ladies. We’re not like men! Our genitals don’t immediately stand to attention the second we see our partner naked. Then again, the female form is one of Allah’s most beautiful things, and men are designed to crave women. For us women, it’s more often than not, more difficult to get aroused. Once you and your husband are used to each other, it will be much easier, but you’re nervous, insecure, and unsure of what to do that first time.
When you’re ready to go to bed
You’re not done yet! When you decide to take things further and are ready to go to bed, your husband should put his hand(s) on your forehead and recite the following dua:
اَللّهُمَّ بِاَمَانَتِكَ اَخَذْتُهَا وَ بِكَلِمَاتِكَ اِسْتَحْلَلْتُهَا فَاِنْ قَضَيْتَ لِىْ مِنْهَا وَلَدًا فَاجْعَلْهُ مُبَارَكًا تَقِيًّا مِّنْ شِيْعَةِ آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَّ لاَ تَجْعَلْ لِلشَّيْطَانِ فِيْهِ شِرْكًا وَّ لاَ نَصِيْبًا.
(Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi kalimaatika is-tah’laltuha. Fa in qaz’ayta li minha waladan, faj-’alhu mubaarakan taqiyyan min Shi’ati Aal-i Muh’ammad (s’al-lal-laahu a’layhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wa laa taj-’al lish Shayt’aani fihi shirkan wa laa naseeba.)
Meaning: O Allah! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if You have decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the Family of Muhammad [peace be upon him and them]; and do not let Satan have any part in him/her.
Foreplay steps if you have no idea how to start.
Almost everything is allowed when it comes to foreplay. If you want to read more about what’s halal and haram in the bedroom, you can read that here. VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Consent is crucial. Be open with your husband and tell him to stop when you can’t go any further. The same goes for you! If your husband wishes to stop, then you stop. If both of you wish to continue, then go ahead! But what do you do know? Your husband probably has a few ideas, but let me give you some pointers.
1. Take off your hijab… slowly
If you still have your hijab on, it’s time to take it off. And make a show of it. Your hair has not been seen by men for so long, and your husband is the first and only man outside your family who will see it. I hope your hair is pinned up because you can really work your magic that way. Make him sit on the bed while you stand across from him. Slowly take out the pins of your hair. One by one, your hair strands will fall and at that moment (and I can almost promise you this) you’ll be the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Cherish that moment and make sure you focus on that admiration. It will help you with getting into the mood.
2. Kiss like you’ve never been kissed before
You probably haven’t been kissed before, that’s the joke! So start slowly and accept that it is probably going to be very clumsy. That’s the beauty of being a virgin. You get to learn everything with your partner. You’ve never kissed before, but now you can so enjoy it! Start light, with closed lips and once you’re comfortable, you can open them and slowly discover each other’s mouths. DON’T throttle him or push your tongue so far that he chokes. DON’T spin your tongue uncontrollably. Take it slow. Also, make sure you don’t have rough lips.
3. Touch, stimulate & ‘smell’ each other
Breathe each other in, *this is a good moment to tell you that you need to pack perfume with you*. Let your hands roam on him. Start with his face, maybe kiss his neck, jaw, and softly bite his earlobe. Graze your nose against his throat and breathe him in. If your husband has a full head of hair, you might enjoy tangling your fingers in and lightly scraping his scalp. Continue touching him and letting him touch you as well. Some places to caress and kiss are his Adam’s apple, his shoulders, and the tops of his thighs. If your husband works hard on his physique, and he is well-built, he’ll love it when you take note of that. Stroking his arms, his chest, and his abs. It will make him feel like those hours at the gym were worth it. Maybe even hum in approval.
4. Undress slowly in a sensual way.
Whilst you undress, make sure to touch yourself lightly. See what makes you feel warm and tingly inside. Preferably, your husband would either help or do this for you. Light, teasing touching, kisses on your neck, ears, under your jaw, your lips, your collarbone. Whatever part of flesh he finds (and your comfortable with). You can help him undress too! One by one, you take the pieces of clothing off. Give him some time to enjoy the view, though. Don’t take everything off at once. I’d advise taking a piece of clothing off, then go back to kissing and touching. Continue that pattern until you’re both as naked as you want to be.
5. Communication throughout your Islamic wedding night is key
Have you seen the movie Pride & Prejudice with Keira Knightly? There was this one scene where Mr. Darcy confesses his love to Elizabeth:
You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. – Mr. Darcy
Doesn’t that make you swoon? We, women, love pretty words. It’s why we’re often fooled by men who know just the rights things to say. The way you speak to your husband should be with love and admiration that first night. I know some people are into some kinky stuff, and you’re allowed your interests. However, on that first night, you need to keep your ‘too’ freaky side to yourself and focus on the beauty of your first union. Keep talking to each other, tell your husband that you think he’s handsome, whisper sweet nothing’s in his ear, make him feel loved. You’ll notice that the same will be bestowed upon you when you are a ‘generous’ lover and partner.
6. Look, with love, respect, and with lust
Love is very different from lust. But in an ideal marriage, you love your partner, respect him as well as lust after him. There needs to be some attraction between you two. A marriage only based on lust won’t work. You at least need to respect each other for it to work. Having said that, when all three are there, you are in for some lovely nights and days together. So, that first night when your partner is naked, take a moment to admire him. Really, look him over. Show him that you like what you see. Men, just as much as women, want to be loved and seen. Men can be insecure too! So tell him, show him, love him and look at him.
7. Fingers & more
Many of us enter our marriage beds, during our Islamic wedding night, as virgins. That means that everything we’re about to feel and experience is something we’re not used to. Sex is meant to be a taste of heaven. It’s supposed to be pleasurable, and you’re not going to enjoy it if he just pushes his penis in. If you’ve done the steps before this one, you’ll notice that you are becoming aroused. You know you’re aroused when your vagina starts creating slick. It’s going to be a silvery, transparent mixture, and you can use this slick as lubrication for penetration.
Never start penetration before you are aroused. The walls of your vagina will expand when aroused. Being aroused will make your first time hurt a lot less than if you’re dry as a desert. If you’re very nervous or don’t create enough lubrication by yourself, you can always use lube. Also, a pro-tip, make him use his fingers before you move on to his other tool. Odds are that his fingers will be less thick, which will help open you up before you move on to bigger things. Start slow, and work your way up to more fingers. Three will probably be sufficient, although it depends on every woman.
Let’s talk about the clitoris
The clitoris is the most sensitive hot spot of a woman. It is located between the labia and is also called clit. When the clitoris is stroked or licked, it enlarges. Most women will experience clitoral orgasms in their life since it’s a sure-fire way to reach it. Of course, this only works if you’re in the mood and making love to someone you find arousing.
Outside and inside
The clitoris is much bigger than you think! Your clitoris looks like a small bump, but most of the clitoris is on the inside of your body. Hidden behind the labia and around the entrance to the vagina. The G-spot is part of your clitoris. This was discovered recently. The G-spot is on the inside of your vagina, about 3 inches from the entrance. When you insert a finger into the vagina, palm facing towards the abdomen, you will feel this spot. The G-spot is on the side of your stomach. The place feels a bit ribbed.
So, sisters, help your husbands (and more importantly, yourself) along with this information! These two places will help you orgasm. Actually experiencing an orgasm will make sex feel like the pleasure it’s supposed to be, instead of the chore that some women have felt it to be.
8. MOAN during your Islamic wedding night
Men love it when women moan (reasonably). For men, it’s an instant turn-on. It gives them a sense of accomplishment because they definitely did something right for you to be making those sounds. It’s encouraging and feeds the male’s ego. Every man has a dominant side, and hearing his woman moan means that he can evoke that kind of reaction from you. Especially if you are a blushing virgin! And even after that. Means are raw and wild. Muslim women are modest in the streets but when you moan, it’s like you set all your inhibitions free, only for him to see.
Your moaning shows that you’re present and involved in lovemaking. That you’re enjoying yourself and not just getting through it. It’s difficult for a woman to be bad in bed. The male orgasm is not nearly as difficult to reach as the female orgasm. But if you’re a dead fish, he might feel unloved, unwanted, and like he is not up to standard. So add some enthusiasm to the endeavor. That’s what makes a woman good in bed and sometimes, it’s even okay to fake it (just a little!) You might not feel like moaning, and I get it, I really do. But find it in yourself to try because I can guarantee that your husband will love to hear it.
5. After Your Islamic Wedding Night
If you’re lucky, you’ll have an orgasm. Don’t worry if you don’t have one, though, it will take some time to find out what you find pleasurable. As I said, it will be clitoral stimulation for most women, but even then, it takes trying a few times to get the hang of it. Some lucky women are blessed with the ability to come from penetration alone. Even then, the chances that you have an orgasm your first time are small. Also, good to know, even with my extensive foreplay tips list, it will probably be a little awkward. It’s just part of the human experience. It will probably hurt, you’re being stretched in a way you haven’t been before. You have muscles down there that have rarely been used. Unless you ride horseback, bike a lot, or are a dancer, maybe.
Perform Ghusl Al-Janaabah during your Islamic wedding night
Ghusl Al-Janaabah is the major ceremonial washing of the whole body after sexual intercourse. There are two ways to do this, of which the first one is preferred, as narrated by Aisha.
The first way, as our Prophet Muhammed (PBUH), did it
- You wash your hand up to your wrists
- You wash your private parts with your left hand
- Then you perform Wudu as you normally would before you pray
- After performing Wudu, you pour water over your head 3 times. You do this in such a way that the water touches your scalp and really gets into the roots of your hair.
- Then you pour the water over your whole body, cleaning along the way.
- Lastly, you wash your feet.
The second way, which is okay, but not the best way
You pour water over your entire body, including your scalp. It’s basically just a quick shower. The first method is, however, preferred, and you are allowed to perform it together. That way, you don’t have to wait until your partner is done.
6. Pillow talk after your Islamic Wedding Night
This is SO important, especially that first night. Men often want to retreat into themselves after having sex and just sleep. Understandable really, sex can be quite straining, and you do burn a few calories. After your first time, however, you need to talk. Check-in on each other. Cuddle, kiss, enjoy being married, and be close to each other. Talk about your plans for tomorrow. Are you first going to visit your parents or your mother and father-in-law? Pillow talk enhances your relationship, according to Healthline.
Maybe you decided you weren’t ready for sex. You still can have that pillow talk. Plan with your husband which things you’d like to try next time. Be open and loving. The day you’re ready to have sex though, penetration will come soon enough and there are many things you can try before that!
Your Classy Muslim Sister wishes you the best possible Islamic wedding Night
There you have it! An incredibly thorough (if I do say so myself) description and guide for your future Islamic Wedding Night. It doesn’t have to go exactly as described, you can do whatever you want (within halal boundaries). This is just one way to do it and to give you some idea of what to expect. I hope you enjoyed it, were entertained by it, and maybe even thought it was helpful. If you know a Muslim sister who is soon to be married, please do share this blog with her. I’ve always felt like our sexuality as Muslim women are frowned upon, which adds to the stigma. Honestly, sex is supposed to be fun, enjoyable, and pleasurable. So stop feeling ashamed of having a sex drive and enjoy your husband!
I wish all my Muslim sisters the most wonderful Islamic Wedding Night possible. I’m also very interested in your experiences as blushing virgins that first night. Please let me know in the comments! If you have any tips, share them! I think many Muslim sisters will be interested in reading about other’s experiences.
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Your Classy Muslim Sister